How to do business ?

How to do business !!

Conversation between a business man & his son.

BM : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "No - I will choose my own bride!"
BM : "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next, BM approaches Bill Gates.
BM : "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
BM : "But this young man is a Vice-President of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally, BM goes to see the President of the World Bank.
BM : "I have a young man to be recommended as a Vice-President."
President: "But I already have more Vice-Presidents than I need!"
BM : "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done.
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The comparison between British English and Malaysian English

British English vs. Malaysian English

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

Malaysians: No need lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want lah.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU..
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..

Malaysians: Die lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?

Malaysians: Celaka you!

So which would you prefer? Send this to your Malaysian friends and let them have a laugh too. Good day!

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Laugh a little!!!

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *


Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ____


Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___


Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up
my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___ __________

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT
YOU A FORTUNE"

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ____


Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ____


Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married
her?"

Millionaire: " Billionaire
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College Life

Every New semester:

We

After 1st week:

After the 2nd week:

Before the mid-term test:

During the mid-term test:

After the mid-term test:

Before the final exam:

Once get to know the final exam schedule:

7 days before the final exam:

6 days before the final exam:

5 days before the final exam:

4 days before the final exam:

3 days before the final exam:


2 days before the final exam:


1 day before the final exam:


The night before the final exam:

During the final exam:

Once walk out from the examination hall:

After the final exam, during the holiday:


That's college!! JJ

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